Daniel Dicken

After I finished my final class during the spring, I knew I needed to do something different as I prepared to begin my doctoral work. I was exhausted and in a state of stress that comes with almost ten straight years of academic output.

If I didn’t do something to recharge, I wasn’t sure I could get too far into the Fall before hitting rock bottom.

I went back and forth between concepts like “reflecting” or “recharging” to describe what I wanted the summer to accomplish, but I wanted to do more than reflect on the past or prepare for the future: I wanted to do both.

This is when I had the idea of “mapping.”

There was a lot I had experienced and learned (both in and out of the classroom) over the past decade that I hadn’t had the opportunity to absorb. Very similar to the “spinning plates” metaphor. The more plates I could put down and learn from, the better.

At the same time, I understood that there was so much more I had yet to learn, or even to create categories for, that I’d be exposed to in this next chapter. Thus, mapping.

As I write this, I am over two months separated from completing the Spring semester, and I have just over a month until the Fall semester begins.

This is how life has looked:

• Phase 1: Resting

  As expected, I got really sick a week or two into my break. Sleep was my best friend, and I didn’t read anything for the first few weeks: no thinking about papers or projects, and absolutely no writing. The itch to get back into it returned a lot faster than I expected, but the time away was crucial to getting my head above water.

  I did a lot of passive reflection during this time, and this included so much gratitude for every step I’ve taken over the past ten years. The more I reflected, the more I became aware of how well-earned this break has been.

  It’s difficult (if not impossible) to completely stop using mental energy toward studying, contemplating, planning, fretting, strategizing (and so on), but I realized I need to do a better job of choosing to unplug.

  Life is filled with things out of our control, but (like working hard) resting is a choice.

• Phase 2: Ramp Up/Down

  After a month or so, I started my current process of trial and error: begin light research, start planning for the fall, work on a paper proposal, realize I was moving too fast, drop a few things, and start over. Sometimes it was writing a proposal/paper, and other times it was working on German, catching up on my reading list for Luke-Acts, optimizing Zotero, or any number of other side projects.

  The problem with all of the above is that there’s no problem with it.

  I need to work on German to begin preparation for comprehensive exams in a few months. I have books on my reading list because I enjoy learning, which also gets me excited about potential conference papers directly related to the topics I’m reading about.

  The issue is not completing these tasks, but the manner in which I do so.

  When I do these things (or anything else), I’m hyperfocused to the point of orienting my entire life around it. If I’m not working on something, then I’m thinking about working on something even when I should be resting or taking a short break.

  Granted, sometimes projects or responsibilities take up your focus for a while, but this mindset doesn’t have to be my starting point.

  Recognizing an issue and actually doing something about it are two different things. I knew something was off and that I needed to change how I operated, but it wasn’t until recently that I had a grasp of what a solution would look like: being myself.

• Phase 3: Being Myself

  The tendency to lose yourself in your work isn’t an exclusively “academic” endeavor. We all have responsibilities or occupations that fight for sole possession of our identity, but there are ways to fight back.

  This looks different for each of us, but for me it included listening to more metal music (August Burns Red in particular), finding time to make music again, making a list of parts I would need for a PC build, and rekindling other things that I forgot I enjoy and have enjoyed for a long time.

  Although it’s only been a short period of time that I’ve tried returning to these hobbies, I can already feel a renewed focus and excitement for my research and studying while also fostering creativity elsewhere in my life.

  The final step in this process is a return to journaling. I’ve benefited a lot from looking back on things I’ve written and comparing it to where I am now, and the same is true now that I’m remembering my hobbies.

  As I’ve written my thought-process behind this transition, I’m simultaneously setting a course for how to continue growing in the future while recognizing how my choices in the past can be avoided.

  I know that this next month will bring a lot of logistical changes as I move to Asbury and begin navigating life there, but I am excited about the things I’ve learned, remembered, and removed over the past few months.

  Let’s keep working.